I was all excited to talk about my plans for the weekend. I even had a witty title for this blog. But then I realized maybe I'd be giving too much away. I mean, who knows who is reading this? Maybe it's just me-literally-and I have nothing to worry about.
On the other hand, there could be thousands of cyber stalkers anticipating my every post. Then what? Risk a chuckle or two for my safety? I've heard some crazy stories in this day and age of social media. Don't believe me? Just look up how photos you've uploaded from your smart phone can track where you live. It's true! I'll wait while you change your phone settings. Believe me, I already did-and I don't even upload pictures!
In the meantime, I'll be imagining what I would have written about my upcoming weekend, believing the droves of people reading this would have enjoyed it :)
With the change in weather I decided to look for my gloves last night. As I was looking through my drawers, I came across some clothes I hadn't seen since last winter.
Last winter, when I was going through chemo. Clothing I distinctly wearing while getting chemo. A lump formed in my throat and I immediately closed the drawer. It wasn't until a little bit later when I was talking to my mom and actually started crying that I realized how impactful it was for me to see those clothes.
So, we went back to my room and found which ones brought the most memories for me and she took them away. I felt better as it's like I don't want any reminders of that time in my life. Unfortunately, I am reminded every day when I look in the mirror but for some reason seeing those sweaters just brought it all back.
What helped was knowing I am fine. I made it through. There are too many people who haven't-and won't-make it through this terrible disease. I would go through it all over again just so that I could survive.
I don't mean to talk so much about it. Really, I look forward to the day when cancer is not the most prominate thought in my mind. The month of October is very meaningful to me for many reasons and maybe someday it won't be as much but I doubt it. But for now, I'll accept where I am, be grateful for the tears because I know that each day I am stronger than the day before.
I go to Starbucks nearly every morning during the work week. Yes, a costly and fattening habit. BUT...today I didn't. I actually MADE my breakfast-gasp! Before I give myself a big pat on the back, I did end up going to a new drive thru coffee place on the way to work. It was ok-the coffee was a little stronger than I like. The point being, I CAN abstain from the lure of Starbucks (at least for one day).
Today is a big milestone for me. I am 8 months in remission-I can't even believe it. Also, it was exactly one year ago on this day that I had my first chemo treatment. So much has happened in the last year-much of it a blur. I couldn't have made it through without my God, my family, and my friends. Not to mention the awesome team at OHSU.
Going through this life altering event has taught me something: just because you do doesn't necessarily mean it is easy to change. I naively thought that because I had cancer it would "scare" me into getting my health on track-eating more healthy, exercising, and losing weight. Well, sadly I was wrong. Maybe it's me, maybe it's just my adjusting back to "normal" life but I just can't seem to find the energy, mentally or physically to focus on getting my health on track. It doesn't help that I've been sick the last week-frown!!
I hate being sick. I mean, I know nobody likes to be sick-I just really hate it. I've been sick for long enough-I would like to know what it feels like to be "healthy". I even went to the store to get nice healthy food and to make a nice healthy green shake. Well, I made the green shake with what I thought was kale and sadly it wasn't. I have no idea what green leafy vegetable it was, but it had this really nasty kick to it. So down the disposal it went. Do I get any points for making it?
I ordered a book about making one change at a time. I haven't gotten it yet, and am looking forward to reading about this approach. I despise diets-always have. So, the idea of making one change a week over the course of 12 weeks sounds appealing. I'll write more about it in days to come.
